Interpersonal Challenges

Integrate New, Constructive Relationship Patterns 

I work with both individual clients and with relational therapy (such as with couples or other pairs of people that want to work through their dynamics). My background in conflict mediation has given me a lot of experience in coaching individuals and groups through conflict by giving them a place to understand which assumptions they're putting on others, where these come from, and what shared reality they can reach (or perhaps not reach) with those around them.

Part of being human is struggling with interpersonal patterns that can create problems for yourself and for those around you. Many of my clients start therapy in order to intentionally and proactively address these issues: for instance, maybe you're a compulsive people-pleaser, prone to irritability and anger, or noticing a tendency to lie to yourself or others. Interpersonal patterns exist to protect us and therefore deserve a lot of respect – these patterns helped you adapt to situations you've experienced. Generally, the more trauma someone has experienced, the more automatic their responses to interpersonal situations. Changing these ways of responding can be scary and difficult because you're giving up a familiar way of defending yourself, but these changes will start to feel more natural over time. I provide a place to experiment with dropping old patterns and trying out new ones.

Whatever patterns you currently have took a while to develop, so they'll take some time to change. There are a variety of ways I help with this process. For one, whatever interpersonal challenge you struggle with will probably come up between you and me, or in couples therapy  - between you and your partner in the room. When the patterns come up in the room we can workshop them and explore them in real time. This experiential learning is a vulnerable experience that creates big change. I may address your patterns subtly by helping you embrace new interpersonal patterns over time, and at times I might point them out more directly. Sometimes, you and I might actively experiment, such as through role play, to give you a chance to try out new ways of interacting.